After a L-O-N-G Break....

.....I'm back! I can't believe how long it's been since I've written. I missed everyone so much, but I really needed a break. I didn't realize how much I'd been traumatized by the loss of our Wyatt. Of course I was very aware of missing him, loving him, and all the grief I'd been through, but I started to have panic attacks. Usually centering around fear of losing Jackson like I lost Wyatt. I'm sure my chronic lack of sleep (he still gets up!) didn't help, but I went through really hard times emotionally. I just wanted to simply enjoy our beautiful, perfect, amazing baby Jackson, but I was and still am (although I'm feeling much more sane) always so worried. Every time I logged on and started reading, I started worrying about everything going on on here and if someone had a tragedy or a hard time, I had trouble seperating myself from it.  My husband and I have had a lot of arguments which I won't expand on here, but that also made me close off a little. It was hard to deal with all my emotions. Thank god I have amazing friends and an even more amazing family.  I have made some great mommy friends and I'm finally getting a little me time.

Jackson is doing amazing. He's a little over 10 months and such a big boy. He's been crawling since 5 1/2 months and now walks with his walker soooo fast!!! Every day with him is wonderful. More on him next post!

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day, mommies!!! Sending lots of love!!!


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A Break...

I'm still here! Things with Jackson are wonderful. He is an adorable, sweet, amazing boy who makes every day worth living.

I feel awful for having taken a break from the blogging world, but I've needed it. Over the past few months, (Jackson will be 4 months on Mother's day) I've has many emotional ups and downs. A lot of them have been connected to my marriage. The last thing I wanted to do was use my blog for venting those issues, but 95% of the time, that's what I've felt compelled to write about. Obviously, in addition to my sweetheart!

The guilt of not blogging has made me completely cut myself off from that world. And damn it, I miss it, I miss all of the people who got me this far, and I miss writing about what's going on with me.

I've decided that I'm going to try to blog again, and that I'm going to catch up with you guys.

So, I'll leave you with a picture of Jackson Wyatt....16 weeks...


Much more to come......

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Here I am!

I've started about ten posts since we brought Jackson home, and haven't finished even one. I of course feel super guilty, I haven't been keeping up with everyone, I've been doing some reading on my phone, but in the past 4 weeks, I think I've opened my computer about 6 times. I've been ordering my groceries online, oh, and diapers.com! I've ordered from there! Otherwise, I tend to use the hour (if I'm lucky) I have between feeding and um, feeding, to toss in a load of laundry, or pick up, or eat.

I am working on Jackson's birth story and a few other posts. I just wanted to get something out there and tell everyone I'm still here and that I'm coming back!!

He's doing REALLY well, after an initial weight struggle (I write about that in an upcoming post). I'm going to post a few pics.

I just want to say thank you to everyone who follows me. THANK YOU!! Without this community I don't know how I would've made it through my pregnancy!!












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More pics!!!

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He's here!!!

Jackson Wyatt arrived at 1:48am on 1/8/2011, he's 7lbs 11oz, 20 inches. He made his debut after many hours of active labor, a few scares, 3 1/2 hours of pushing and finally, a vacuum assist!!! I promise to post the whole story!

We're all doing great. And headed home tomorrow.




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The Induction

I know I've been MIA, but I have been reading I just haven't been doing a lot of commenting.

So, I'm here! At the hospital and the Cervidil is in. When my OB checked me I was still only 50% effaced, and still posterior . Dilated to about a 1. Come on Cervidil! Now I'm in the monitor for the rest of the night, which I like. I feel like I'm keeping an eye in him, but its making me more nervous. I can't stop looking at the heart rate! He's very active, but there was a moment when the nurse came in because his heart rate fell down low. His baseline seems to be at about 110-115, but when he moves he gets up to 150-160.

I've had a few rocking contractions, but nothing evenly spaced. I've noticed the cramping is getting worse now (it's about 12:15am). They offered me ambien to sleep, and sleep wouldn't be bad, but I'm not really into taking anything. It freaks me out.

C just had to go out and buy batteries for his blow up mattress pump. I kinda have to laugh, because I always coordinate these things and he bought this himself, I didn't even look at it, and wouldn't you know it...it's battery powered. I felt so bad for him when he figured it out!

As a side note, my mom bought me these adorable blue leopard print jammies...I love them!!! And because I'm not laboring yet, they let me wear whatever I want so I'm rocking them!

I cannot wait to meet Jackson. I have so many emotions that it's hard to even put them in words. I am thinking about our Wyatt and I know that he's making sure his brother makes it to this world safe and sound.

The last time we were here it was such a painful experience. I know this is going to be a wonderful, amazing experience, but being here brings up so many emotions. In the past few days I've had many flashbacks to my delivery of Wyatt. The sadness was overwhelming. And still is. I am so thankful and excited for Jackson and missing my Wyatt.

I can't wait to meet our second boy...


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