•556•

It didn't double, it didn't triple, it more than quadrupled!! 556!! I said to C this morning, I hope it's near 600...and I was shocked to hear it is. My little Loven.ox baby (ies???) is (are) doing awesome! I knew the first number was great, but I found myself holding my breath this morning as I walked int the Quest. And then after 1:00 I started looking at the time every few minutes.

My ultrasound is scheduled for 9:45am on Monday the 17th. I can't wait.

I started my Loven.ox on Monday night and so far no bruises. C has been giving me the shots and he is seriously a pro. I just have a speck where I was pricked which isn't so bad, because then you can see where yesterday's shot was. They are semi painful, but I really don't care! It's a welcome pain....talk to me in 8 months, I may be over it then. The cost of the Loven.ox is a whole other story. My insurance, which is an expensive plan, has crappy prescription coverage. I had to write what I would basically term a begging letter to the insurance company to switch to another plan that has better coverage. We'll see, the woman said it takes a few weeks to hear from them.

As far as it goes with my sister, JA, after my initial freak out, I realized that it will be nice to have a niece or nephew that is so close to my child's age. And there really is nothing about her pregnancy that will take away from me. She is already having a hard time, because our youngest sister, A, told her she was crazy to have a child right now, and she told her father-in-law who said "That's nice.". Her and my brother-in-law have a son, who's 7. She got pregnant with him unexpectedly at 21 and they've definitely had their struggles as a family over the past seven years. She seemed really upset that no one seems excited for her. She is an amazing mom, and even though they weren't planning this, and maybe right now isn't the best time financially, I know that she really wants this baby and is really excited. We have different moms, but the same dad. Our dad passed away 16 years ago, he was awesome, her mother on the other hand is not what I'd call a good mom. She has hardly any involvement with with my nephew, and I can only imagine what her response will be to this. I am blessed with a mom who is one of my best friends. I told her I'm excited for her.

I am now going to rest before making dinner, I'm exhausted! I forgot how tired I get in the beginning!

•132•

My beta was 132! Yahoo!!! They look for between 50-100 (I knew this, but the nurse likes to ramble on), so this is a good, strong number. They don't usually test again, if you're over 100, but the nurse knows me and immediately said "You know you don't need to, but if you want to, you can test again on Thursday." Obviously, I'll be testing again on Thursday! She kept reminding me that I was only retesting because I wanted to, not because I needed to. Also, I called to book my first ultrasound for May 17-ish...I'm waiting to hear back....

They are calling in my Love.nox to a local pharmacy which is great. On another note...My sister, JA, the one who's been working for me, who's one of the few people who knew, called me after I texted her with the results and dropped what I felt was a bombshell....she's pregnant?!?!? What? About 6 weeks, she just went to the Dr. this morning. I'm happy for her, really I am, but I wanted to be pregnant by myself. What the fuck is it with my sisters??? I started to have a nervous breakdown when she told me. What if something happens to this pregnancy? This makes it all so much worse! And we're due 2 weeks apart?!?!? I'm not usually a complainer, but I swear to you, I am never in the spotlight...it's never just my time. Never.

With that out of the way, C and I are elated that I'm pregnant. OVER THE MOON. This baby (babies) is (are) going to be the most loved little one(s) ever. We're going to go out to dinner to celebrate.

Still Here

I'm still here. Thanks for the emails to check up on me. I just needed a few days to sort my head out. I got the call from the nurse yesterday, and my levels had gone down to 17.5. Honestly, I knew before she called and I was ok. I am ok. C and I were both sad that it didn't happen this time, of course, but I did a ton of crying during the two week wait. It's almost like I had already dealt with how I would feel if this didn't work.

I really want to move forward. In a strange way, even though the news was bad, it was a relief from being in limbo. We have a teleconference with my RE on Tuesday, and I also have another blood draw Tuesday to make sure my levels are down.

I want to thank everyone for cheering me on through all of this...and don't put your pom poms down yet! We're going to try again as soon as we can. I'm going back and forth about doing an FET (frozen embryo transfer) and another fresh cycle. My doctor is very discouraging about the frozen cycles, but there certainly are a lot of babies out there from frozen embryos. We'll see....

Not the news I wanted...

The nurse called at around 2. She started droning on about numbers, etc. from the tone in her voice I was just expecting a simple "Sorry, you got a negative.", but my number was 34. With Wyatt it was 191. They like to see at least 50. So, she seemed to basically be saying abandon all hope, and that it would be great if my numbers are going down on Saturday at my second test. Then she said something about it being possible that I could see my numbers rise slowly, but that wouldn't really mean that there was a chance that this could be a viable pregnancy.
I of course cried and cried and so did C. He's very upset. There's nothing I can do. And looking online, in one of the groups I read on Baby center, there are two people who had low first Betas and are still pregnant. It's definitely not unheard of. I called and left the nurse a message, because I want to ask some more questions.