Yesterday was the 18 year anniversary of my Dad's death. It's hard to believe. As we all rode the boat out to the spot where we would spread my dad's ashes. I looked around in amazement at the adults we've all become. I have 2 sisters, and a brother with whom I share the same father (different mother). I guess that sometimes I still think of us as the kids that my dad knew, but we're not. I miss him everyday, but yesterday as we floated off the beach where we all spent so much time with my dad, I felt at peace. I know that he was there watching us. That he is always there watching us. It was beautiful. I read the prayer of St. Francis, which he kept in his wallet. He wasn't a religious man, but it's a beautiful prayer and it really does speak to who he was.
The Prayer of Saint Francis
Patron saint of animals and the environment
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
when there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
Grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand,
to be loved as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying [to ourselves] that we are born to eternal life.
After, I had everyone back to my house for a dinner, which was nice. Unfortunately, from the standing in the kitchen cooking all day and all my prep work, I was limping by the end of the night, and honestly just couldn't wait for everyone to leave! My mom had come Friday and left this morning and she's always a joy to have, so not her, but I needed to get to bed! My back, and now the sciatica I've developed from it got so bad, I had to have C help me out of bed to the toilet and off the toilet! (Sorry, TMI!) Today, I spent the whole day on the couch and am still needing help to get up and walk. At one point I decided to stretch it out and walk it off and ended up crying in the kitchen because I couldn't make it back to the couch. C banned me from anymore exercise today. Hopefully I'll feel better in the morning. Jackson seems to love relaxing...he kicks away! This was the highlight of my day. Oh, and tomorrow is 24 weeks!!!! Yay!!!