Ultrasound And Contest Winner

Baby Jackson Wyatt 25 weeks

The ultrasound went great!!! Jackson is right on track. We could actually tell from the 3D that he's getting fatter, the pictures look a little less alien like. He wouldn't turn around and give us a full frontal, but the tech snuck in from the side. He was aware of her trying to be sneaky and was kicking and punching her. It was pretty funny. She kept asking if this was his active time of day. Of course I'd drank some juice because last time he wouldn't turn around either and she made a huge deal out of it. Now, I'm pretty sure he's just shy about showing his face!

And NOW.....for the contest winner!!!!

His weight was 1lb 12oz!!!!

THE WINNER IS:

Cheryl from http://cheryllookingforward.blogspot.com/  
She guessed 1lb 11oz

Yay! Cheryl has a great blog and it was actually one of the first blogs that I started to follow. She just had a baby boy in May. She's been a huge inspiration to me.

I have the prize, but it's not all ready for its glamour shot (which means I haven't arranged it yet), so I'll take a picture when I get it all ready to ship out. I decided to go with the them of a little Cape Cod.

Thanks to everyone who guessed!

100th Post!!! AND A Contest!!! (with a prize)

Soooo...This is my 100th post! I can't believe it. This is a big week for me, 25 weeks 4 days is when I realized our precious Wyatt was no longer with us.  I've been trying to think of something to do and so I've come up with a contest!

Guess Jackson's weight!

I have an ultrasound tomorrow, I'll be 25 weeks. At 23 weeks he was 1lb 3oz. I have no idea what his weight will be. Whoever gets closest to the correct weight wins. All you have to do is leave me a comment with your guess. In the event of a tie, the person who guessed that weight first wins. Now, I haven't exactly decided on the prize, BUT I want everyone to rest assured that it will be fabulous. Rest assured, the one thing I'm REALLY good at is shopping!!! (C can attest to this!) I will start the contest right now, and it will close Tuesday September 28th at noon.....

I really hope people take a guess, I'm excited about this! (It's the little things that seem to be pulling me through right now...)

I'm trying to keep myself busy right now, and keep my head clear and positive. I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping and that seems to be the worst time for me. Somehow things are always SO much worse at night. My back is bearable in the morning, and then by noonish, it's back to limping for me. I've done some research on the sacroiliac joint and I guess this is kinda common. 

We went out with friends last night and sat in these awful metal chairs for 4 hours, I was crying in bed last night because it hurt so damn much. Of course, today, C'c friend (who was with us and has some of the stupidest comments ever) told C that his wife was totally fine up until 8 months. Apparently C mentioned that last night was a lot for me. Um, his wife was 18 when she was pregnant with their son (she's 34 now), I'm 32, AND I started with a bad back, and I've basically spent the better part of a year and a half being pregnant! I find him annoying. This is the same guy who suggested that we consult street signs to find a better name for Wyatt! And when C told him Jackson's name he said...huh, is that your final choice? Just rude. I told C, I'm surprised he hasn't said I look fat. He's not mean, just a rude idiot. His wife is constantly rolling her eyes! 

So, I'm looking forward to all your guesses! 

Happy ICLW!!

Welcome, welcome! This is my story. I'm currently 24 weeks 1 day pregnant with Wyatt's little brother, Jackson.

As I type this, Jackson is kicking away. I love that he's so active. I bring this up every time I see the OB, because Wyatt wasn't active, at all. I remember him kicking at around 18 weeks at night after dinner, and not every night, and then he would kick every once in awhile, but when I look back, nothing like this. There was no consistency day to day at all. I did start to worry, but then I would drink something sweet and do the kick counting and I could get the 10 kicks in 2 hours. Jackson kicks me 10 times before I get out of bed in the morning. I had never been pregnant before, I had no idea if this was normal or not. And 25 weeks 4 days is early for kick counting, that's when we lost him. I think of him everyday and I wonder if Jackson will look like his brother, who looked exactly like me. I remember holding him for the first time, I was amazed to see my lips and nose in a miniature version.

I made a trip to the OB today for the back pain/pelvic pain. I was pretty sure they were connected, but better safe than sorry! I was 100% sure they were connected when he pushed on the left front of my pelvic bone and it REALLY hurt. He said it's partially due to my existing back injury on that side and partially due to the relaxin and spreading that's going on. He did offer me percocet, but I can handle the pain as long as I know what it is! I'm doing much better than I was on Sunday, I can move around now. He did say to take it easy, and that I have to cut back on my physical activity. Rest with my legs up whenever I can. I've only been taking 1 extra strength tylenol at a time-which does nothing! And he kinda chuckled when he told me 2 were fine at a time. Not in a mean way. He's so sweet. He knows that I'm worried and I really feel like he tries to make me feel better. I am so glad that he's my OB. SO glad. He helps me to feel positive about everything and neither him nor anyone in the office ever make me feel crazy or like I'm bothering them.

Tomorrow I'm driving to the commercial building we own (about an hour and a half away) to check out the progress my contractor has made on the space. We have a new tenant moving in on October 1st. I'm really hoping its going well, he says it is, but I get really nervous about these things!

Blog Award!!!

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! Thank you so much to Trying For Two for giving me the One Lovely Blog Award! This means so much to me. Not only have I never gotten an award before, but I often wonder if I'm boring everyone to death. So THANK YOU! You made my week brighter and better!

The rules for accepting this award…
1. Accept the award. Post it on your blog with the name of the person who has granted the award and his or her blog link.
2. Pay it forward to (It suggests 15, but I would suggest however many you want and find appropriate) other bloggers that you have discovered.
3. Contact those blog owners and let them know they’ve been chosen.

Sunday

Yesterday was the 18 year anniversary of my Dad's death. It's hard to believe. As we all rode the boat out to the spot where we would spread my dad's ashes. I looked around in amazement at the adults we've all become. I have 2 sisters, and a brother with whom I share the same father (different mother). I guess that sometimes I still think of us as the kids that my dad knew, but we're not. I miss him everyday, but yesterday as we floated off the beach where we all spent so much time with my dad, I felt at peace. I know that he was there watching us. That he is always there watching us. It was beautiful. I read the prayer of St. Francis, which he kept in his wallet. He wasn't a religious man, but it's a beautiful prayer and it really does speak to who he was.

The Prayer of Saint Francis
Patron saint of animals and the environment

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
when there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
Grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand,
to be loved as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying [to ourselves] that we are born to eternal life.


After, I had everyone back to my house for a dinner, which was nice. Unfortunately, from the standing in the kitchen cooking all day and all my prep work, I was limping by the end of the night, and honestly just couldn't wait for everyone to leave! My mom had come Friday and left this morning and she's always a joy to have, so not her, but I needed to get to bed! My back, and now the sciatica I've developed from it got so bad, I had to have C help me out of bed to the toilet and off the toilet! (Sorry, TMI!) Today, I spent the whole day on the couch and am still needing help to get up and walk. At one point I decided to stretch it out and walk it off and ended up crying in the kitchen because I couldn't make it back to the couch. C banned me from anymore exercise today. Hopefully I'll feel better in the morning. Jackson seems to love relaxing...he kicks away! This was the highlight of my day. Oh, and tomorrow is 24 weeks!!!! Yay!!!

Fear

I have been wanting to write, but I just can't seem to this week. I'm having a really hard week. Monday, I had my 23 week ultrasound-everything looked great. Jackson is measuring perfect, and his heart rate was great, etc. Although I love the ultrasounds, I also find they make me really anxious. Really anxious. And although this lady was nice, she wasn't the tech we really like and I felt like she kinda freaked us out. She wanted to get him to turn around, he was facing backwards. So, she did a ton of jabbing on my stomach saying things like "this usually turns them" and "oh he's stubborn.". Of course this completely freaked C out and he thought that this meant something was wrong. He'd been kicking and moving all around all morning, so, I knew he was fine, but then I started to get freaked out. I mean the poor guy was trying to rest! I asked the peri when he came in and he said something to the effect of that "they do what they want, and they certainly don't always cooperate", but I was still a little nervous. He's going to see me again at 25 weeks for another ultrasound, because I asked. I lost Wyatt at 25 weeks 4 days and I know I'm going to need all the reassurance I can get that week. I went to my regular OB after that, rather uneventful appointment, all is well.

Then, Monday night, C and I started talking about the renovations at one of our buildings. We have a new tenant moving in and everything has to be ready by the 1st of October. I'd just gotten the run down from the contractor and it sounded like things were going great. I relayed the progress to C and he started flipping out (he's always a lot more negative than I am. I assume the best, him, the worst.), he thought that things should be further along, etc. Somehow this escalated into a fight and I ended up having a panic attack. I'm in charge of the renovations, but I started to think "oh god, i've f'd everything up!", etc. Then I realized that really, I'm worried about the baby. I'm scared to death. Scared to death. I don't know if I hadn't really realized how close I was to when I lost Wyatt, or if I was trying to ignore it, but all of a sudden it hit me like a tone of bricks. And damn it, I started to freak out. C and I talked about it for awhile, but I still couldn't sleep.

I am so afraid. Every moment, it's in the back of my mind. I'm afraid to do anything like I did those days right before I lost Wyatt. Fridays make me sick, because, it was a Friday I realized he was gone. If poor Jackson doesn't kick for awhile, I start to panic. I had a freakout today, because I hadn't felt him in hours. He wouldn't kick, I tried to do the doppler, but I couldn't find is heartbeat. I started to cry, and panic. C was mowing the lawn and somehow, I tried to relax myself, went and drank some juice and lay down. It took quite awhile, but he woke up and kicked. Of course he's been kicking away all night, now.

Then tonight, I realized that we aren't just coming up on the time when I lost Wyatt, but Saturday, the 18th, it will be 18 years since my dad died. 18 years. And my sisters, brother, and I are finally spreading his ashes. My grandmother had them in her closet for 18 years, and now that she has passed away, we can finally lay him to rest. We've chartered a boat and we'll be scattering him at sea, which is what he wanted.  This is intense. 18 years, and I still miss him every day. And of course, Wyatt was born on my dad's birthday (what are the chances of that????) so, I feel their spirits are very close. No wonder I'm freaking out.

Popcorn

That's what I had for dinner, popcorn. I love popcorn. C was pissed. He doesn't see this as a "proper"dinner. He, by the way, had left over Pad Thai. I had a late lunch and this was what I wanted. I'm pretty sure that the OB would be fine on me cutting back on the eating since I got a miniature lecture last week about gaining 3lbs in 2 weeks. Of course there is the fact that I've only gained 6 total and I'm 22 weeks, so, I'd say that's pretty good!

Anyway, I obsess about this. I'm not getting as much exercise as I want to, because it seems that I'm constantly overdoing it when I try to get moving. Saturday, I cleaned my whole house. It's pretty big, and so there was a lot of vacuuming and bending over, etc. Sunday, the pain was back next to belly button and it's still not 100% better, but it's improving. I blame all of this on my damn back with is just horrible the minute I do any amount of bending over or standing still. Back to my weight obsession. I still hadn't lost all of the weight I'd put on with Wyatt, so even though I'm doing good this time, it's a mental struggle to know that there is definitely more to gain. AND C has started calling me things like "big girl"?!? He says he's only joking, but tonight I flipped out, I really don't need him to add to my insecurities. Men just don't get it. I truly believe the ONLY comment you should ever make about a pregnant woman's appearance is "You look great!" Now, don't get me wrong, he does tell me I'm beautiful, but I don't even want any jokes about weight!!! I think he got the message...

Both of my blood tests came back fine, but the OB still wants me to ask the Peri on Monday if he feels my Love.nox dose is sufficient and get his take on adding a baby aspirin. Baby Jackson is quite the kicker and I love it. I can't help but believe that Wyatt is watching over us.

I have some other things to talk about regarding my grandmother's death and the way my uncle has handled her estate, but I'm still trying to get all my thoughts together on this. The whole thing has been so sad for me.