29 Weeks 2 days...Still here!!

Hi! I have been all over the place and haven't blogged in what seems like forever. I also apologize for my lack of consistent commenting. I think part of it is I used to sit in bed at night and do these things and now the big belly is in the way! There's no more typing in bed, it just doesn't work out very well.

Soooo...things are going really well. I passed my glucose test with flying colors. Of course I had myself convinced I was going to fail and was completely nervous the whole time! And I found out last week that I'm anemic. I knew something was off, because I was getting headaches and feeling really tired. My next ultrasound is on Monday the 1st, and I can't wait to see Jackson and see how big he is. I know he must have grown significantly because, well, I have, and his movements are more intense. I feel a ton of rolling and although he still kicks a lot, there's more pushing and rolling around, and he seems to be covering more surface area. Like I'll feel him all over at once. He favors the right and that makes me nervous because I know that's where the placenta is. Which I'm sure means nothing really, I just don't want him to bash it too much!!!

My Birthday is next week, Wednesday. I have mixed emotions about it. Last year, it was horrible. C and I fought most of the day, I can't remember why, but I'm sure it was for some stupid reason! We were supposed to go out for dinner and didn't and we watched this horrible movie with a lady who had had a stillbirth. Then 3 days later we found out we'd lost Wyatt, and he was born on November 8th (which is my father's birthday. He passed away 18 years ago.). A week that I'd like to skip. C keeps telling me they're just dates. I know that, but they're not just dates to me.

My stepfather sent me a gift certificate to get a massage with my FAVORITE massage therapist, K. So I decided to book that on Monday, and then while I was booking it, I all of a sudden decided that I was going to add a facial. Honestly, I don't even know why, but I was just feeling it! I am trying to be positive and believe that everything is going great and will continue to go great.

I really want to do something special to honor Wyatt and my dad on their birthday, but I haven't figured it out yet...

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

Today I'm remembering my beautiful Wyatt and all the other babies who left us too soon. I also want to thank all my friends and family who lit candles tonight. It means so much to C and I. Sending lots of love to everyone.

90 Days to go!!!

Hi! I haven't been a very good blogger lately. Every time I sit down to write, I can't. I think I've been scared. Getting through these past two weeks or so has been hard. I worry about everything anyway, but passing the time in my pregnancy when I lost Wyatt (25 weeks 4 days) and the time when he was born (25 weeks 6 days), was huge for me. Emotionally, I have found myself missing Wyatt more and more. I get sad that he never made it to this point, I see his beautiful little face and I wonder Why??? Why did that have to happen to him. Please don't misunderstand, I am so excited about Jackson, but it's hard for me to feel joy without sadness.

At 25 weeks 3 days, which was an incredibly scary day for me regardless, I had a really scary incident. It was really hot, 80's, and humid. C and I went to take a look at the renovations on our building that were supposed to be finished. We were meeting the new tenant so we could give him his key. It was horrible. The job was not at all finished, the contractor had been lying, and he and C started arguing about EVERYTHING!!! Meanwhile, I started having contractions, they weren't super painful,but they were pretty frequent. It was really hot in there because there was no air and I realized I must be dehydrated. I went to the store we rent one of the downstairs spaces to and bought three waters and a juice and started drinking them quickly. I didn't want to alarm C, so I kept checking on them, and throwing in my two cents, or telling them to stop yelling and then I would duck out. Between the stress and the dehydration, I had about 8 contractions in an hour and a half. Finally I went a half an hour without one, we semi-resolved things and we left. I told C about the contractions and called the on call OB. By the time I heard back from the OB on call (it wasn't my Doctor), I had finally eaten (It was almost 10:00pm), and I'd only had two contractions in the forty five minutes. He told me to rest and keep drinking the water. I ended up fine, but I was so panicked that something bad was going to happen, that 25 weeks 4 days would be another horrible day. I made it through. Even though today is 27 weeks 1 day, I know that every day I'm still going to be scared. Every day, I miss Wyatt, everyday I breathe a sigh of relief when the day is over and I'm one more day closer to holding baby Jackson.

We had an ultrasound today and he looks great. 2 lbs 4 oz, and no longer breech!!! I keep telling him it won't be that much longer! C took me out for a fabulous dinner tonight and we had a really nice time just talking about non work related stuff, which we never really seem to do anymore. It was wonderful.


My mom and my sister, JR, are planning my baby shower for November 13th and I'm really excited. I can't wait. I'm going to leave you guys with a picture of my nephew, T. He's my sister JR's baby and he's precious. He was born May 17, 2010....

Baby T...My mom always says he looks like a burrito swaddled