No, not today.

Today is Wyatt's birthday. It's also my father's birthday. My father died 18 years ago at the age of 38 from a massive heart attack. He didn't even know he was sick.

At 2:46am this morning, I woke up and had to pee. Not at all unusual. It had been about 2 hours. I looked at the time, like I always do, peed and walked back to the bed. For some reason, I felt uneasy. The kind of anxious feeling you get when someone has just given you bad news. Although I was very aware of what today is, I wasn't thinking about that, I had actually been dreaming about the floor that C is putting down in the nursery. Then, it happened. My heart started beating super fast. I waited a minute, took a deep breath, and it was even faster. It felt like it was coming out of my chest. I woke C up.  
This isn't the only time this has happened. About 3 1/2 year ago, it happened for the first time. Totally out of the blue, and lasted for a little over 1/2 a hour. It's a horrible feeling. At the time, after wearing a monitor, a cardiologist diagnosed me with what he said was an extra pathway. A kind of electrical short. Sometimes the wrong path is chosen and the rhythm gets stuck and causes a tachycardia.  

I've had this happen a couple of times since being pregnant, but not like this. Both times it lasted only a few seconds. C made me sit down. It still was cranking, and I felt lightheaded and dizzy. I started to freak out. "No! Not today!".  C of course tried to keep me calm. We know what it is he kept saying, but it wasn't going away. I felt like I was going to pass out, I hadn't felt Jackson move. I automatically started to get dressed. C kept saying do you want me to call an ambulance or bring you. I could just see myself passing out in the car. So, we called an ambulance. It took them about another 15-20 minutes to get there, the police arrived first. They were nice. By this time I was shaking, C kept asking if I was cold. No, I was scared. When the rescue guys finally got in there and started up the monitor, etc, my blood pressure was still really high, but my heart rate had come down. I was shaking uncontrollably. One of the rescue guys seemed annoyed with this and kept telling me to calm down. Years ago, when my mother-in-law fell down the stairs we had this guy and he was rude then, too. I ignored him. And I was thankful that he didn't come with us in the ambulance! My blood pressure then dropped really low in the ambulance and the guy kept asking my if my blood pressure was usually really low. This of course made me nervous, too! And C didn't ride with me, because there would have been no one to drive us home. And there I was....back at the hospital, a year after delivering Wyatt. They ran a million tests. The ER doctor was great, and so was the nurse. They listened to Jackson and his heart rate was good. The only thing they found was that I have these premature ventricular contractions (extra heart beats), I'm anemic (which I'm on iron for) and my magnesium was low. Apparently, low magnesium can irritate your heart's rhythm, and if you have an underlying condition, make it worse, so they gave me some magnesium in my IV and then I could leave.

I have an appointment with the cardiologist next Monday and I see my OB tomorrow. I'm exhausted. When we got home around 8:00am, I couldn't sleep. I kept dozing off and waking up anxious and feeling like I wasn't breathing.

I know everything will be fine. I know it will be. And Jackson has been kicking and rolling away in there. Today I'm relaxing on the couch. Nothing more. I just want to say again how blessed I am to have my OB...he's amazing. He called me right back and explained everything that he knows about this type of thing.

On another note, my shower is Saturday, and I'm actually really excited. I may have to call some friends to help with the cleaning, because it's here!!!