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Wednesday, July 28, 2010


I've been contemplating getting a 3D ultrasound and I think I'm going to do it! We didn't do it with Wyatt, but I really think it would be a nice thing to have. My mission is to call tomorrow and try to schedule it for next week. I'm thinking that would be a good time. The assistant at my OB's office (who I LOVE), said that this is a good time.

I'm still not taking a lot of belly pics. I want to, but I just don't. With Wyatt, I took them every week, hell, I posted them on Facebook!!! I even made C take one last picture when we were leaving for the hospital. It's so hard to look at. My face is all red and I'm crying and I look so, so sad. I haven't even announced this pregnancy on FB this time and there are people I haven't told yet. I'm scared. Scared of somehow making bad things happen because I tell people??!!!! I know it makes zero sense, but that's how I feel.

I bought a baby book yesterday and started to write in it. I'm really anxious to find out the sex of this baby. I know I've said this before, but I think that will really help me to feel more connected.

Seeing my nephew and my friend JF's baby, make me happy and sad. Happy because it gives me tangible proof that people have live, healthy, babies every day. And sad because I should have Wyatt. He should be 5 1/2 months old. My heart aches for him. I also think that if I hadn't lost Wyatt, I wouldn't be pregnant with his brother or sister right now. I had a BLM tell me that she had to look at her loss in the following way- If she hadn't lost her son, her daughter never would have been born. And maybe that was the way the universe intended it.

I don't understand the intentions of this universe, there are so many times that they simply don't add up for me....


  1. we had a 3d u/s at 17 weeks and were able to find out the sex of both babies.

    we also got a dvd of them that i haven't been able to watch since they were born, but i am extremely grateful to have a tiny stretch of film where i can see that my girls were alive.

    and i dont blame you for not telling, though i think that i will tell even earlier next time, so that (hopefully) future baby will be loved by so many, from the beginning. waiting til 12 weeks didnt really help me last time, so i figure what the hell?!

    and no, life doesn't make sense to me either...


  2. DO IT!!!! I get 3D pictures every other week at my peri, but we are STILL going to go to one of those little boutiques and get the video/music montage. I didn't with Matthew because we were getting ultrasounds so frequently with the peri and I didn't want to waste the money. I wish, wish, wish I had. I didn't take nearly as many pictures with Matthew (who wanted belly shots??????) and I am taking pictures like MAD with this baby. Isn't it SO strange how it's so different, yet fueled by prior experience???

    As for the whether Luke would be on his way if Matthew had lived...ahhh....I have often thought about what my little boy might one day ask...if he'd be here if his big brother had lived. Being IVF, my obvious gut instinct answer is, "No...of course not. We had one embryo left and if it didn't work, that'd have been that and we'd never do IVF again."

    But of course....I'd never, never, never be able to look my sweet child in the face and say, "No, you probably wouldn't."

    So I've really searched my heart and prayed about how I'd answer that. All I've come to is that Matthew and this baby were miracles...pure and simple...and miracles don't just happen. So, while I don't understand it or know how it could be, without a doubt this baby was meant to be...and so there's no doubt that somehow, he'd be on his way even if Matthew had lived.

    Can't wait to see pics!!!!!!

  3. I cannot truly relate to what you must be going through but wanted to drop you a line and say that I hope you boooked your 3D u/s, they might even be able to tell you what you are having and this seems to be something you are looking forward to so much.. so go for it!Thinking of you xxx

  4. I hesitated to take belly pics or anything until after about the gestational age when we lost Maddie... and now I regret it. I wish I had allowed myself to do it. Please book that ultrasound - you'll love having it.

  5. Thank you for all the encouragement! I called the place and they said that the 3D/4D is better when the baby has more fat. So, although they will do it anytime, they say 25 weeks is the best. Of course I wanted it done NOW. I might go for the gender determination next week since my anatomy scan isn't until the 16th....We'll see

  6. Life doesn't make sense, that's for sure. It stinks too!

    I think the 3D ultrasounds are so neat! Several of my friends have had them and I love seeing them! Can't wait to see your pics too!

  7. I had a hard time taking the belly pics after my loss, but I'm happy I have them now. We did some fun things with the first pregnancy - like belly pictures for DH - that just didn't seem right this time. I didn't keep a pregnancy journal the second time either. Luckily, I kept my blog and I looked back on it to put some stuff in my baby scrapbook.
    So take those pictures and write down everything - you'll love having them!