2 Perfect Embryos!!! 11 Days

Waiting until 1:45 for our transfer proved to be not as nerve wracking as I thought it'd be. I had my massage this morning with K. I know I've said this before, but she is amazing. We actually ended up talking throughout the whole massage. About our losses (she lost a baby at 12 weeks recently), about our hopes, and about how we've changed as people. It was a great talk. Than I zipped back to the house to meet up with C. I usually like to give us about two hours to get there even though it only takes about an hour and a half. Today we left extra early, and thank god we did, there was so much damn freaking traffic, it was absurd. They're doing work on one of the bridges to get off this man made island we live on, and they had traffic at a standstill for 2 miles in either direction!!!

Anyway, we made it and they took us right away. There was just a generally "good" feeling today. We got a great RE, Dr. R, to do the transfer, not our RE, Dr. B, but he was great. We had two embryos transferred, one 8 cell, grade 3, HIP, no fragmentation (HIP is high implantation...the best grading), and one 7 cell, grade 3, HIP. WooHooo!!!

We had 3 left to freeze, all 7 cell, grade 3, HIP!!!!! The transfer itself went fabulous. Dr. R walked us through every step. Not like we haven't done it before, but it was so nice to have someone who was so positive and encouraging. He took his time. He said my lining was thick, which is great, and he said I have a great uterus. That cracks me up. I gave props to Dr. B who removed the polyps I'd had about a year ago.

So, here we are. Even C was really positive, and he is ALWAYS the glass is half empty. I think it's the first time that I've ever heard him say he has a good feeling about something. He is usually much more cautious, and doesn't ever look at the bright side.

The countdown has begun!!! 11 days until the Beta!!!!

A huge THANK YOU to the angel that submitted me to LFCA!!!

Trigger!

They finally called me at around 2:00. My estrogen was 2880, and I have 13 Follies, which I knew, all over 15 and I triggered at 7:30pm tonight. That means that I have to be at the clinic at 7:00am Monday morning for my egg retrieval....Yay!

I'm just sooo ready. And it'll be nice to not have to do a shot tomorrow night. My first IVF, with Wyatt, I triggered on a Saturday night, too.

So, here goes. I'm praying those eggies are getting even more mature and they'll be in fantastic shape on Monday.

I'm looking for some opinions. Should I do the acupuncture again with the transfer? I just can't decide.

Stims Day 5

Hi all! I know I've been quieter thus cycle, but honestly, it's because I am so freakin' busy! It seems like everything is swirling around us right now. I'm in the middle of a major change as the tenant who's been with my husband's family the longest (45 years!!!) is moving and I've been showing the space to new tenants, we have numerous other issues with our other properties that I'm also trying to iron out, I had to finish our personal taxes and I still have to finish my grandmother's tomorrow! And, oh, did I mention taking my father-in-law two Doctor's appointments already this week and it's only Tuesday? And then there's work, too. Oh yeah, and I'm on day 5 of stims!!! Yippee!!!

I had blood work and ultrasound on Monday. Here's where we are at: Estrogen 320- last cycle I was only 90 on day 3, first cycle I was 225. So, this seems to be good. There were three measurable follies on the right- 1 @20mm (the nurse said this is a left over from last month?) 1@ 14mm, 1@12mm. And there are multiple not measurable yet. On the left there are multiple not yet measurable. Multiple means at least 5 and up to 10. This is sounding good. Of course C is worried about OHSS, but I'm not even going there! He did drop my Gonal F to 300, and kept luveris @ 75, and lupron  @ 5. I have blood and ultrasound tomorrow. I'm very anxious to see where I'm at. I wonder how long I'll stim for.

I know I keep saying this, but I have a good feeling about this cycle! Go follies!!!!

Stims....Day 1

Today was day 1 of stims. Just like last cycle, I didn't get my period, so on day 14 of Lupron (Wednesday) they had me call in, and they ordered blood work for Thursday morning. I got the call yesterday afternoon, all systems go! So yesterday, they lowered my Lupron to 5 units, and tonight I started my stims. This cycle I'm on: 75 units Luveris, 375 units Gonal F, and 5 units Lupron. Tonight was the first attempt at mixing all of these together. Um, that's a BIG ASS shot! C gave me the shot and did the mixing. Of course I got my period today. Or as they call it "the Lupron bleed". I'm feeling tired and yucky and crampy, but I'm so happy we're moving forward and I'm finally on the stims. I called my nurse last Friday in a panic, because the patient education nurse was away and I still hadn't gone over the mixing procedure. I told her I might get my period any day, it was due Friday, and since the patient education nurse was out until Tuesday, I needed to be "educated by her". She then tells me, that I won't be starting stims until next weekend anyway and that the education nurse will be back Tuesday. I was so confused. Why wouldn't I be starting until next weekend??? Well, it finally came out that they only start people on stims on the weekend?!? OH!!! She said most places batch patients which I've heard of before, but they start patients on a weekend. Apparently it's theoretically supposed to reduce the amount of transfers on a weekend?! Ok. I guess they just maintain you on the Lupron until the weekend if you get your period during the week.

I'm very excited and optimistic about this cycle. I just wanted to ask that everyone please keep us in your prayers. There has been a lot of heartache and pain on our journey to this point, and I'm praying this is it.

Ugh...

I've been having a really hard time lately. I've been really stressed over the renovation of one of our commercial properties, and getting the lease signed, etc. Plus I've been helping with my sister, JR's baby shower. She gave me a list of names without addresses, which meant I had to go onto her Facebook, look many of these people up and send them messages that said I needed their addresses and I was planning a baby shower for her. Some of them probably know about my situation, but I'm sure most of them don't. I got a lot of replies with, "Oh, she's pregnant, you must be so happy and excited!". And with every reply like that, I wanted to write back..."No, not really, this is extremely hard for me, because I lost my son who should have been born by now. I should have had a baby shower, but I didn't." I'm doing this baby shower with my mom, because I know that if I don't, I'll regret it later. I love her, and if I could wipe away all of the jealousy I feel towards every person I know who can not only get pregnant by accident, but stay pregnant by accident, then yes, I am excited. I already love my nephew, even though he's not born yet. But I think I'm having an even harder time, because JR has been consistently upset during her pregnancy and everyone has walked on eggshells around her. When she didn't come to see me after I lost Wyatt, it was because it was "too hard" for her. When she didn't call me on my due date, the explanation was that it was "too hard" for her. I did actually call her on that, and she apologized, and admitted that she didn't handle it well. Now, here I am helping with her shower, and I don't hear anyone saying to me, "Wow, this must be hard for you.." Maybe it's because her and I are such different people. She yells and screams and tells people what she expects, and I just tend to go with the flow. I may say I'm having a hard time, but I don't scream about it.
I am having a hard time. And now I have a failed IVF attempt since we lost Wyatt. I thought I was ok with that, I really did, but I am so sad about it. I just think that life is so fucking unfair. So unfair. All that I've ever wanted was a family. And of course JR has a lot of unmarried, pregnant, oops friends who will be at the shower. Ugh.......

A New Plan

As of yesterday, my HCG levels are back down to zero.

We had a phone consult with our RE yesterday and there's a whole new plan. Our first IVF last May, when I got pregnant with Wyatt, our embryo quality was much better. The RE basically says that he doesn't know why there was such a drastic change, but he's completely changing my protocol. He thinks that the quality of the embryos has to do with my different response to the stims this time. So, my plan goes from 225 of Gonal f to 375 of Gonal f?!? That's quite a change if you ask me. He also added Luveris into the mix, but I don't remember the exact dosing of that. He likened the way they stim you to the fertilizer you might use in a garden.

I also wasn't sure how long I'd have to wait to start my next cycle, but he said that once I get my period (And I just did! So, tomorrow will be day 1), I'll start the Lupron on Day 21. That puts us at the 24th. I have a good feeling about this cycle. And I plan on really trying to go into it more relaxed than last time. My main goal between now and then is to lower my stress level. I'm going to try to get some gardening work done for my customers which will be good exercise as well as making some money!

Looking forward...

Nothing Worse...

My grandmother always says "Nothing worse.". She will say this in reference to ridiculous things. Like the mailman never closes the mailbox- "Nothing worse.".

My mother told me the other day that she had a long talk with someone she works with. He and his wife have a beautiful two year old baby girl. She told him about Wyatt and about our journey with IVF. He told my mother that he and his wife went through 6 IVF cycles. She had 5 miscarriages. One was as late as 16 weeks. And now they have a beautiful baby girl. He told my mother to tell me that this is the hardest thing that we will ever go through. And to take solace in this. To know that life will be downhill from here. My mom didn't get it at first. But the minute she said it, I thought...."Nothing worse." Because there is nothing worse. And he's right, I draw strength from what we've been through and what we're going through every day. I know there will be other hard times, but I feel like if I can get through loosing my child, I CAN get through anything.