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Friday, January 22, 2010


Today is so far much better than yesterday. Thank God. There was something off about yesterday from the beginning. I helped C to figure out how to run the airlines for his tools and Machines out in the shop, which took the whole morning. It went better than our usual work interactions, but I could have seen it turning a corner...glad we finished when we did!

I went out to do some errands and take my father-in-law to get his blood work done, and a haircut. I think I've mentioned it, but my father-in-law, B, lives with us. He's got the beginning stages of Alzheimers, and loves to lie, which makes it very hard to figure out if he doesn't know what's going on or he's just decided to pretend like he doesn't know. Everyday is an adventure! My grandmother calls me and starts off the conversation "Now, don't be mad at me..". That's never a good sign! She told me that she'd hired someone who I recently stopped being friends with, L. She knows all about what happened at her house!

A little was the Saturday after we had lost Wyatt, and I left the house for the first time with C. We were going to my grandmother's. (She had a stroke a few weeks before we lost Wyatt, and had been in the hospital. Because the Swine Flu fear were so crazy at this time, I hadn't gone to visit her in the hospital. We talked every day, though, we've always been very close.)We arrive at her house, C is attempting to park his monstrous truck and all of a sudden, there is someone behind us honking and flashing their lights. It took me a second, but I realized that it was L. Now we had just exchanged texts that morning and I had thanked her for all her concern, she'd left me a nice voicemail, but told her I wasn't ready to talk yet, or to see her. I mentioned my plans to go see my grandmother, and told her I was nervous to leave the house. L and I have been friends for many years, I have always felt her heart is in the right place, but she really is a little crazy. She is very dramatic, and I really wasn't ready to deal with her. I would have somehow ended up consoling her! She calls my cell phone as we're driving away. I'm screaming "It's L, it's L!!!! Oh My god, I don't want to see her, I'm not ready, I told her!!!" Now add in the hysterical crying. C answered my phone. (we're still driving, she's still following) He did a few..uh huh's and then said "The thing is L, she's just not ready to see you. she says she told you that." Then there was a whole lot more silence on his side, then he said "Thank you for your kind words." obviously sarcastic and handed me the phone and said "Hang it up!". I could hear L screaming "I want to see her! ". Apparently she had told him that he needed professional help, and that it wasn't normal for us to hide out and not see people. I went from distraught to angry. How dare she judge me! I called her back and I just flat out told her how I felt, emotionally in regards to Wyatt, about this, etc. She just kept expressing how hard it was for her???!! Go cry on someone else's shoulder!!! She said she went looking for me at my grandmother's, because she needed to see me. I explained that this wasn't about her "needs". She of course continued to play the victim. Not once did she say "Gosh, I'm sorry, I just love you. I'm here if you need me." She started in on me and how I needed professional help. Um, it had only been 6 days!! I gave up. We went back to my grandmother's and told her the story. There were several texts and emails that followed from L. I sent her a card, and I just explained that at this point in my life, I just could not do the drama. She sent me an email saying she ripped up the letter and didn't read it. Then last week she left me a tearful message, obviously drunk, saying she couldn't understand why I was even upset. Oh, and that she'd been over at my grandmother's. She said she'd just stopped in. What?

Back to yesterday, of all the people to "hire". Something about washing the ceiling light?! I would have done it for free. My grandmother also has a drinking problem, and although it was early afternoon, I could tell she was already sloshed. At first I cried, and tried to reason with her, but this is just the way she is. She does what she wants, when she wants, and always acts like she had no choice. She has 4 of us grandchildren that live close, any of us would have done it for her. I can't believe that L would not think this is somewhat inappropriate behavior, but, then again she seemed to think the stalking was acceptable!

I'm really trying not to let people upset me with nonsense. So if my grandmother wants to hire her, so be it!

The only saving grace of yesterday was that myself and another passer-by saved two dogs that were loose on a main road. We caught them and called the owners. I always feel good when I do that.


  1. Oh, wow. I'm so sorry - L sounds like a huge handful, and the exact opposite of helpful. I can't even imagine having to deal with her drama at that time - if people can't be supportive, they should stay away. That's kind of all there is to it. I hope that things go well with her and your grandma, and that it's low stress for you.

  2. Thanks! She's a nightmare! She left me a 3 1/2 minute voicemail after she left my grandmother's today. I haven't listened. Going for Sushi with C, and I don't want to be thinking about what she said....The less stress the better. Oh, and the headaches haven't been that bad this time, no need to bring one on!!!

  3. I know this frustration on a different level. I understand that friends can't be what you need them to be after you loose a child. sometimes space is all you need and they get upset because like you said they play victim. Sending *hugs* and hope things work themselves out with your friend.